When life decides to test you, it doesn’t knock first—it barges right in. Doesn’t it?
It’s like your GPS keeps re-routing no matter how well you plan the trip, there’s always a surprise detour. Sometimes its roadworks, sometimes it’s an accident. And sometimes, if I’m being honest, it’s not the road conditions at all, it’s us, we tell the technology to shut up because we know better, right? We sabotage ourselves. We pile on the pressure. And in the end, stress is right there waiting for us.
Hi, I’m Janine and I’m a therapeutic coach, today I want to share with you something, I use, to help me cope with those stressful moments. It’s simple, it’s quick and it’s effective.
Now, stress can show up in so many ways. It can feel small—like a traffic jam or a slow queue at the supermarket. Or it can feel enormous—like financial pressure, health scares, or the weight of relationships. Big or small, stress is part of being human. And it’s not going anywhere.
And here’s the thing—we all have our ways of dealing with it. Some of us exercise. Some of us eat better. Some meditate, practice mindfulness, or focus on breathing techniques. And of course, there are times when medication plays a role too. All of these are valid.
But I want to share something simple that works for me—something you can take with you into your own stressful moments. It’s not a complicated practice. It’s not something you have to study or train for. It’s just a word, a choice and a thank you:
And the word is: Stop. Say it to yourself like you would say to a dog just before he grabs your cashmere socks, or like you would say to a toddler before she writes her name on the leather sofa. Its firm, strong and kind, you don’t want to scare them or make them cry. So, you say: Stop. Then take a breath and in that moment, that pause, imagine two paths before you, one is the well-trodden route downwards to resistance, OK now, turn to the other path, this one leads upwards, towards acceptance. So now you have a choice, you get to decide how to react to the situation, and once you’ve made your choice, say to yourself: very good, well done.
Now, when I do this process, something shifts. It doesn’t mean I suddenly love the situation, or that the stress magically disappears forever. But often, I can feel the tension ease, just a little. My shoulders drop. My jaw unclenches. My breathing slows.
Why does it work? Because so much of our stress comes from resistance.
Think about it—how often do we find ourselves fighting reality? We’re in traffic, and we resist it. We’re in a queue, and we resist it. Someone says something we don’t like, and we resist it. And all that resistance does is wind us up more and more.
Here’s an example. Imagine you’re standing in line at the supermarket. The cashier is moving at a snail’s pace. Inside, you’re already rolling your eyes. That heavy sigh is building in your chest. Your brain is shouting: ‘Why can’t he just hurry up?’
But ask yourself—what does that achieve? You’re not going to yell at him. You’re not going to storm out without your groceries. So, what’s left? Resistance. And resistance is all cost and no benefit.
That’s when I bring in the stop process: Stop. Choose. Thank.
And I really emphasize the very good, well done. Because that’s the key. I stop the resistance, choose my reaction and thank myself for accepting the situation—not half-accept, not tolerate, not endure while I secretly cling to how I wish it were. But accept, fully and completely, as it is.
My dad used to put it another way: ‘If you can’t change the situation, choose your reaction’
At first, I thought that sounded way too simplistic. But actually, it’s profound. If there’s nothing you can do to change a situation, why waste energy fighting it? Why hand over your peace of mind to something you cannot control?
Of course, this doesn’t mean we stop caring about problems. If there’s action you can take, take it. If there’s a change you can make, make it. But when you’re in those situations where there’s nothing to be done, resistance is like pouring fuel on a fire.
Think about it, this exact second—whatever it looks like—was shaped by an unimaginably long chain of events stretching back to the beginning of the universe that’s almost 14 billion years. And yet, here we are, stressing about traffic lights or checkout queues.
It’s humbling, isn’t it? When you see each moment that way, you realise—it’s not personal. The universe isn’t out to get you. This moment simply is. And your choice is either to resist it, or to allow it.
Now, I want to pause here, because I know this can sound a little abstract. You might be thinking: ‘Sure, that’s easy for slow lines or traffic jams. But what about real stress? What about the big stuff?’
And you’re right. Some stress is much deeper—financial struggles, family tensions, loss, trauma. I’m not saying a simple process can erase all of that. But what I am saying is this: resisting reality only adds an extra layer of suffering. Allowing doesn’t take away the pain, but it creates space for you to breathe inside it.
For example, when you’re hit with a big, unexpected bill, or a conversation that breaks your heart, or a setback at work—you still have to deal with it. But instead of drowning in the thought ‘This shouldn’t be happening,’ you can anchor yourself with: ‘This is what is. I don’t have to like it, but I can allow it to be what it is.’ From that place, you can move forward.
And let’s be honest, this takes practice. Some days I forget entirely and get swept away by frustration or anger. But the more I return to the process, the more it softens the edges of my stress.
So, here’s what I’d love for you to try. This week, notice when resistance shows up. Notice when your shoulders tense, your breath shortens, or that little voice inside starts to complain about how unfair or inconvenient something is. In that moment, pause. And say to yourself: Stop, choose your path and thank yourself.
Emphasize the: very good, well done. Feel how your body responds. Maybe your chest opens a little. Maybe your breath deepens. Maybe nothing dramatic happens—but you notice a flicker of space between you and the stress. That space is everything.
And if you’re on a spiritual path, you’ll know that ultimately, this is the deeper practice. Allowing every moment, not just the stressful ones. Allowing joy, allowing sadness, allowing the ordinary, the boring, the beautiful, the painful—all of it. But even if that feels like a stretch right now, starting with the small stressful moments is a powerful first step.
So that’s my invitation to you today: try this out in your own life. Experiment. See what happens when you stop, choose, thank, instead of resist.
Because sometimes, the greatest relief doesn’t come from fixing the moment—it comes from accepting it.
Thank you for reading.